20 December 2024

CNWL’s Domestic Abuse Headline Event, themed "Connecting Stories, Changing Systems", brought together professionals, survivors, and advocates to talk about the need for collective action against domestic abuse and male violence.

The event was a highlight of CNWL's 2024 White Ribbon programme. Watch a glimpse of these events in the video below.

Recognising domestic abuse as a national emergency

Susan Bray, CNWL's Domestic Abuse Prevention Lead, opened the event with a poignant reminder: "The police have acknowledged male violence against women and girls as a national emergency."

"We need to join the dots to better understand the complexity of stories around domestic abuse and therefore respond more effectively.”

Turning focus to perpetrators

This is our eighth year of events in support of the White Ribbon period, and Chief Executive, Claire Murdoch, reflected on this journey. “We’ve raised awareness and doubled down on our commitment to lead in this area.”

“Whilst we are completely committed to identifying and offering the best possible response to victims of domestic abuse, we are now turning our attention increasingly to the perpetrators… we believe that without perpetrators, there would be no victims.”

She urged professionals to stay “professionally curious” and challenge their own assumptions when working with families. “It’s the inquiring mind that will be all the difference. Challenge yourself, as I will challenge myself as Chief Executive, but also as a friend, a mother and a wife.”

Changing language, changing systems

With over 35 years' experience in the domestic violence and child welfare fields, David Mandel is the creator of the Safe and Together Model, a transformational approach to changing how systems and practitioners respond to domestic violence when children are involved.

David stressed the importance of shifting the focus toward perpetrators' behaviours. "We talk about children being ‘exposed to domestic abuse,’ but that’s passive language. It doesn’t identify who’s doing the harm,” he explained. Instead, David advocates for a more direct approach: “Children are impacted by the behaviour patterns of the abusive caregiver.”

David also highlighted the need to equip professionals with the skills and confidence to engage with perpetrators directly. "Systems often avoid engaging perpetrators, leaving survivors to bear the responsibility. That has to change." He urged organisations to become more "domestic abuse-informed" to create a “web of accountability” around perpetrators.

Long-term impacts of trauma

Broadcaster and journalist, Charlie Webster, shared personal reflections as both a child victim of domestic abuse and a survivor of sexual abuse. “I was so vulnerable, and no one connected the dots,” she revealed.

Despite reaching out to healthcare professionals, she found little support. “We came into contact with lots of systems and organisations. There were all these signs and nobody asked me the question.”

Charlie emphasised the long-term effects of trauma, and the critical need for early intervention. “We’re so far upstream that we forget to look downstream. Look under the surface – you can really change somebody’s life.”

Education and accountability

Evie, a survivor and advocate, shared her story about a high-profile abuser. She spoke about the victim-blaming she faced and the societal double standards surrounding perpetrators.

Evie called for better education on consent and accountability, especially for young men and women. “When abusers remain in the public eye, it sends a message that you can do whatever you want and get away with it. That’s why so many women don’t report abuse early.”

You can watch back the event below.

*Some of the names in this piece have been changed to protect privacy.