Making the most of what I have

Hendrik De Vries’s life collapsed around him when he was diagnosed HIV positive.

But from the depths of depression and a Crystal Meth addiction, Hendrik turned to the Club Drug Clinic for help through which he was able to get himself into rehab. He’s now turned his life around and is helping others. 

This is how Hendrik, 52, copes with social isolation during the Coronavirus pandemic.....

"In the beginning, the hardest thing for me was to accept that I am a vulnerable adult.

"Even though I was diagnosed 14 years ago with HIV, and been three years sober from my Crystal Meth addiction, I never saw myself as a more vulnerable adult.  But I am.

"For me to make sure that I was happy staying at home and social distancing, I had to accept very quickly that I was better off staying at home; safer for myself and others.

"Reality bites, but, listening to experts from NHS and government, and ignoring the whole media frenzy and so-called experts  on social media, I started to understand the reality of this all.

"What has surprised me in the last couple of weeks is how quickly the support network has gone from meeting in person to meeting in the Cloud via video calls, zoom and other applications. It’s amazing how much support is available if you look for it, Google it. Search for it. Ask your friends for advice, there is so much out there.

"Whether it’s mindfulness, meditation, recovery groups, CBT, yoga, fellowship meetings, pub quizzes, financial support advice, online cooking demonstrations, it’s all there, you just gotta find it.

"Some of the platforms may be triggering for some, as they used it for different purposes in their active using days. But, you can create new habits by using these for the good, you can’t hide the rest of your life from the internet!  Ask your keyworker therapist, friends, family and fellows for their experience and suggestions.

"I haven’t cooked for myself for a long time, but I realised that in order to eat well and also to avoid over-buying food, I had to start cooking again. I cook three or four times a week for myself now, each time lasts me for two days and I enjoy doing it. That way I eat a healthier diet; I eat a better diet; I eat more regularly, and I also avoid spending too much money.

"The other thing is staying connected. What has been amazing is that I am better connected to other people, and, people that have been connecting to me. It has been astounding, I’ve spoken to friends in a meaningful way that I haven’t spoken to in months and sometimes years.

"I do regular video calls and phone calls and WhatsApp chats with my friends, family and fellows all over the world. We have meaningful conversations. We have lots of banter. And we share ideas on how to pass time and we comfort each other that we know that things will become better again. That the world will be different when we get out of this, I am convinced about, but I’m sure it’s going to be a better one. I have total hope and faith in that.  

"Don’t feel that you have to come out of this with more skills than you had before. It’s okay to come out of this just happy and healthy. You don’t have to learn a new language, you don’t have to become a yoga master or fitness expert.  You don’t have to become a super star in a subject. It’s okay to pass time and be.  Watch a  movie and a box set or two, have a hot shower, cook some food, have some rest, go for a walk or bicycle ride, and just be comfortable being.

"There is no perfection in dealing with this, in fact, there are moments I feel sad, lost or even a bit scared. And that's ok too! Something I learned in my early recovery  is to honour all feelings without wallowing in them. So, I sometimes decide to have a Meh day! And they cheer me up very quickly, as I actually find it hard to remain sad, it's a lot nicer (and easier) to be happy.

"And, even If I have nothing planned for the day, I have my regular wake up call everyday at 7am and in the weekends at 8am. I stay regular. I don’t want to end up in permanent jet lag. I want to have a structure in my life that makes me feel comfortable and getting up early and going to bed in time helps me with that tremendously.

"Stay connected, ask for help, help others, and make the most of what you have!"